December 20, 2010

Sibling Rivalry with Sisters


Dear Ellen:
My sister and I have been fighting a lot lately. Ever since we both turned 21, we hang out in the same group with the same people. I can tell people are growing annoyed with us and our bickering. We just fight over dumb stuff. She also goes after the same guys I go after and she will tell stupid stories and when I try to say “that’s not how it went” she just ignores me.  I am really getting irritated and I’m tired of having her there all the time and I think it’s weighing on my friends because they seem very uncomfortable with it.  She also borrows my clothes all the time and I can’t stand it anymore!! What can I do to make her stop?
Kelly

Dear Kelly,
Well, maybe you should hang out with a friend or two that’s not in that group.  Take a break and get away.  In regards to the clothes, sit down with her when no one’s around and tell her she needs to ask before borrowing stuff but let her know that the answer won’t always be yes.  Also, bring up the idea that you think she goes after the same guys as you, talk everything out.  Maybe a break from each other would help but also make sure you express your feelings to her when no one’s around so there’s no pressure.  Let her know you don’t like bickering in front of everyone and you are worried you will both lose your friends if you don’t stop.  I hope that helps you Kelly! Thanks for your question.
Ellen

2 comments:

  1. That was really good advice, Ellen. :D

    I remember one time when I really liked a guy. I went out with him for a bit and then later I found out my sister was broken hearted and had liked him for a long time. Although I understand that if he liked her he would have asked her out, but believe me, if I had known, I would have not be so open about it and talked so much about it in front of her. In fact, I learned to be sensitive about stuff like that for the future. If I knew my sis liked someone that I also liked, I wasn't so public about pursuing it in front of her.

    Now we are all in our 30's and we are starting to realize where most of the bickering comes from. We all believed that we should think alike, act alike, have same tastes, etc. We can't. We're different. I learned to respect their tastes and not expect them to think exactly like me. Not to insult them in front of their friends. Even if she does it to you. When you are kind back, it heaps hot coals on their head. Imagine, if your sis was insulting you in front of your friends and you only turned away or asked her to be kind and keep arguements private, instead of insulting back, who's gonna look bad?

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  2. Jenny had some good advice.

    I have one sister, had similar problems too.

    Talking to her probably won't help... maybe there is some jealousy there and she is doing it deliberately... you are never gunna know cos she won't own up to THAT!

    Try and keep your circle of friends seperate from her's...or at least don't be around the mutual friends when she is there too. And ignore all her nasty/stupid/put down stories.. and then she will be the one looking like a bitch. OH and it does take TWO to bicker eh?

    As for your clothes... simple... put all your clothes in your closet and get a friggin padlock on it. Same for all your own stuff that she 'borrows'... make it inaccessable to her. Lock it up.

    Failing all that... move away from her. You are 21.... time to strike out on your own....

    ONWARD....


    P.S.: I came over here after being asked to by Virginia! So blame her if ya don't like my 'to the point' comment! lol

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