Ask Away...: Relationships: Why You Should Talk Your Problems Out ASAP

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Relationships: Why You Should Talk Your Problems Out ASAP

A major key to a happy relationship is fighting less.  You can always fight less by talking about your problems as they come up, since fighting is normally caused by a domino effect of several issues or one issue repeatedly coming up.  For example...

Gina comes home from work everyday to find her boyfriend alreadyhome and nappin gon the couch.  The place is filthy with his work boots and trash and everything from hsi workday that he brought home but didn't put away. This really bothers Gina, but she knows it will start a fight if she brings it up.  So she doesn't.  She decides to clean it herself  because the problem goes away.  The next day it happens, and the next day.  A few days later, she comes home again to the same situation and her boyfriend begins to wake up.  So Gina says "It would be nice for you to help out instead of sleep!"  Inside, Gina is mad that she can't come home and rest because she works so hard to keep the house clean.  When her boyfriend hears this, he thinks he's getting yelled at or nagged at for sleeping.  They begin to bicker about sleeping and how he needs it and she could take a nap too...When it's all said and done - NOTHING is resolved  That's because the problem wasn't her boyfriend sleeping...it was him not cleaning up after himself. 

If Gina would have addressed it in the beginnig by sitting down and having a talk with him about how it would be so helpful to her for him to clean up after himself, this wouldn't have happened.  Gina would come home to a tidy house and be happy. 

Now, if her boyfriend is just grouchy and refuses to ever help clean, that's on him, and that's a whole different topic. 

Basically, Gina was on edge because of something else so she took it out on him during a different situation because she didn't want to bring up EXACTLY what upset her.

ALWAYS talk about things right away.  If you are lucky and have a great partner, they will talk things out as well, but sometimes that isn't the case and I'll delve more into that in future blog posts.

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