December 10, 2012

Emotional Relationship {{Advice}}

Dear Ellen:
My boyfriend of a year is so emotional and angry.  This has been going on the past 8 months.  I have tried to muster through it as long as possible but I just can’t take it anymore.  We rent an apartment together and I feel like I am stuck with him.  Is there anything you think I can do? Should I wait or should I just leave him?
Ariel

photo by stonepix_devia PhotoRee

Dear Ariel:
It’s not fair to you to have to deal with this from him.  If you can be a mature adult in a relationship than he should too.  It’s fine if you want to try and work with him but most of us don’t have time for that, and we are already up to our necks with our own issues.  If he doesn’t seem to want to take control and get a handle on his emotions, then I certainly recommend you save up money to break your lease, and move somewhere else ALONE!   I know most people would suggest that you work and work and work at it.  But clearly, leaving is a big option for you because you wrote to me today about this, and you mentioned that leaving IS an option in your mind.  Life is too short to be stuck with someone that is angry all the time and cramps your happiness style.  DON’T waste time because we never have enough of it. Be happy!!  Sure, easier said than done when it comes to moving out and breaking up, but you have to go through the hard work to get to the happy ending.  If you want to stay and work it out you need to tell him straight up that if he does not take action himself to try to fix the situation, you will look into breaking the lease and moving out. 
Good luck!

3 comments:

  1. For what it's worth, I agree. I would say to have the discussion with him, but I would not take too much time waiting for promises to be fulfilled--I'd want to see real action on his part and would go head and start to make plans. The problem with situations like this is that you risk having this person become more emotional and angrier over time--this is how abusive and claustrophobic relationships start. Good luck and take care.

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  2. I also agree. 4 good months followed by 8 bad is not a good indicator of a healthy relationship. You are not stuck. Can you call on family or friends for a cheap/free place to stay while he decides to get some help. You don't deserve this, and all the stress it is causing you. You may be in a Florence Nightingale situation where you feel that if you just loved/supported/understood him better, that you could make him better. The only one who can is him, and he's got to want to.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I also agree. 4 good months followed by 8 bad is not a good indicator of a healthy relationship. You are not stuck. Can you call on family or friends for a cheap/free place to stay while he decides to get some help. You don't deserve this, and all the stress it is causing you. You may be in a Florence Nightingale situation where you feel that if you just loved/supported/understood him better, that you could make him better. The only one who can is him, and he's got to want to.

    ReplyDelete

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