Ask Away...: Love & Lust: What's the Difference?

December 6, 2012

Love & Lust: What's the Difference?


photo by Robert Scalesvia PhotoRee

Love & Lust: What's the difference
  You have heard the sayings before. "Is it love or is it lust?" "Lust can turn into Love".  and all of those!
Well,  what is the difference?  Is there a difference? And are their similarities that make it so difficult to determine whether a feeling or emotion is based on love, or just lust.

Lust
Lust is the initial attraction like the butterflies you feel, the concern that goes into your outfit for when you see someone, and the constant distraction in your mind of what they are doing and where they are.  


Love
Love is deeper and it's what comes after lust.  You either t to it or you don't.  Love is the security you feel with the person that they always have your back and you can always come to them for comfort.  Love is the trust you feel, that you know they won't do anything to intentionally hurt you and that you can tell them anything without them repeating it.  Love is the communication that you have when you work out your problems and Love is what eventually fills a house and makes it a home. 


How they relate

Lust is how we can see if we are attracted to someone.  Whether it's their looks , their smell (pheromones), their personality, or some mutual things you have in common, lust is what we all feel in the beginning.  You want nothing more than to be with that person and think of them all the time.  You get nervous when you don't hear from them and you would drop your things and go to them if they said they wanted to see you.  Lust can be foolish at times and not in your best interest.  Some people can control their lust but some people don't and they easily lust over a person that they later regret.  These feelings bring us together so we can see the rest of what the relationship can hold, and develop stronger feelings of love. 

How we mistake Lust for love

Sometimes we think that someone is all of those things - security trustworthy, and offers a good window for communication with us.  But that's because we are so caught up in our feelings that we assume they are all those things and our impulses take over.  Then one day, the person you lust for just changes their mind, and all of a sudden you lose all those things and see it clearly that this person really wasn't good for you in the long run.   And  when you are in a relationship for a secured amount of time and the initial feelings of lust wear off, we tend to assume that this means we are falling out of love.  You might not be as romantic as before or as sexually active, but that doesn't mean that you aren't in love.  It means that you are so secure with your relationship that you don't rely on those other things to make you feel loved.  Now, don't get me wrong, Sex and romance are still needed from time to time but it's almost unrealistic to be 24/7 in lust while you are in love. 

Once you are in love, you aren't foolish enough to blow off work on a super busy day, just because you want to canoodle with your lover.  And you tend to spend a healthy amount of time with your friends too rather than only with your significant other.  As long as you find a good balance of lust components within your loving relationship, I think it’s safe to say that you CAN combine the two and live happily.
I think you really have to experience both at some point in your life to truly know the difference.  I don't necessarily think love and lust are different I just think that Love is a higher, more matured and developed form of lust. Just like dating, engagement, and marriage. 

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