Ask Away...: Not interested after a few dates? When, how, and where to let them down the Proper way

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Not interested after a few dates? When, how, and where to let them down the Proper way



So you go on a few dates with a guy, and you still don’t have feelings developing at all.  In fact, you are beginning to feel anxious about even seeing him again, and it’s not in a good, butterflies in the belly type way.   Hopefully by now, you know how to end a relationship the right way  but when you aren’t even that far along with someone, it can be even trickier to find the right way to break it to them, without BREAKING them completely.  


So after some discussion with some girlfriends, and even trying this out on someone for themselves, we determined this to be a safe, proper, and polite way to break it to the guy that you just aren’t feeling it and no longer want to pursue anything. 


Here are the guidelines:

How:
DO NOT email or text.  It’s rotten, immature, and rude.   If he’s been taking you out on dates, you owe him the courtesy of a verbal let down.   Call him on the phone.



When:
Try to do it at a time of day when you have to be going somewhere, that way you can effectively get off the phone in a quick amount of time.  You can start your call by saying “Hey, I’m on the way to the gym from work right now..” etc.   This gives him a mental heads up that you can’t get into a 2 hour long conversation. 


Where:
Make sure he’s anywhere but at work or out with the guys.  You don’t want to destroy his day, and you don’t want to ruin his fun night with his buds.


What to say:
Here’s a basic suggestion:
“I wanted to let you know I’ve been thinking lately about us and I’m not sure if we are on the same page.  After hanging out a few times I have to be honest and say that I just don’t see a future between us. “



DONE…….    Don’t be afraid of being screamed at.. you were honest, and you also pointed out that you were honest…. A guy WILL appreciate that.  What makes men fume is when women lie to them and lead them on and waste their time.  Men do NOT like looking like fools!  

Keep it short and simple.   Remember, if you do this after a few times of hanging out, it’s not too late to break it down to him.   Just be honest and be fair! 






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