We've all been there.  Numerous times!  Even if we are the one to break it off.   Break ups make you feel bad no matter what and whether it's guilt, shame, remorse, abandonment, heartbreak...every feeling makes it harder to survive them.  I'm living proof that life goes on after them, and so are most of you!  

So...without further ado....I present to you...

 the OFFICIAL Ask Away Guide to Surviving A Break Up in 5 "Easy" Steps. 

And let's be honest....it's never easy, but if you keep telling yourself it is, it will get easier faster. 

photo by Deadclown	via PhotoRee

1.  Separate Yourself

You need some time to decompress and separate yourself from the world in order to give yourself time to cope.  So for some of us that means isolating ourselves because we can deal with it better alone.  But for other's it means staying close to a friend for support. Make sure it's a friend who supports you but will ensure they hold you accountable for keeping the break up clean and not running back.

2.  Hold Yourself (Or have a friend hold you) Accountable for NOT contacting them
Every break up needs to have the opportunity for each person to get their final thoughts/words out so make sure you let that happen.  After that, let it be known that you need time away to not talk/communicate/see them.  

Then, either hold yourself accountable for doing this or designate a friend you can rely on to hold you accountable.  This means no texting, calling, Facebook stalking or IMing, and no Drive Bys!

3. Remove Reminders of the Relationship from your life

This is best to do about a week after the break up, maybe even sooner.   For me, I do it immediately, but that's just how I work.  Some people aren't ready in that time.  Remove any and all reminders from view.   This means, Clothes, Gifts, pictures, CDs, Facebook updates (hide them from your feed!), ANYTHING that reminds you of them or is theirs or from them.  

4.  Give yourself as fresh a start as possible  
ONce you get that feeling...and you know when you get it.. where you literally sigh a huge sigh of relief and feel ready to move on from the Remorseful/crappy feeling stage - tell yourself it's a new day and a new beginning and make yourself believe it by making everything in your life fresh.    Do this in a few simple ways:
 - Wash your bed sheets so there's no leftover smells on the pillow he slept on
- clean your room, declutter your apartment, scrub your home
- Clean out your car and make it all shiny and dust - free inside , it'll put you in a better mood
- Clean up your desk at work or your work station
- Rearrange your room/apartment/home and redo your closet so you can see ALL your clothes and try some new outfits.

5. pamper yourself and enjoy YOU
Get a manicure or pedicure, get your hair done, go to a spa and get a massage, and schedule regular once a week dinners/drinks with your girlfriends.   Celebrate you and your freedom



Trust me, they all have a big impact on your state of mind!

How to Break Up the RIGHT Way - A MUST READ!

We have all had it, at least once, I know I have.  The guy you are with totally handles the break up in the wrong manner.  No respect or decency to you, and he has no experience with this in the past so how can you blame him I guess.

photo by Ivars Krutainis	via PhotoRee

Well, I put together this little guide to breaking up that can go for both men and women.  But I’m directing it more at men! LOL

1.       Do it in person.   A text message or email or even Facebook message is just so distant that it stings even more than saying it in person does.  When you break things off in person, it gives the other party a chance to express their emotions to you and let you see how they feel.  If they can’t get that off their chest, how are they ever supposed to come to terms with the break up? 

2.       Don’t avoid them.  Yes, sometimes out of sight out of mind is okay, but often times your ex will try to get ahold of you to talk a bit more and just get some closure.  Maybe they have questions and need answers, regardless, you OWE it to them to listen and to not take the easy way out by just ignoring them and moving on with your life.

3.       Don’t flaunt a new flame, hot girl friend, or single life status in their face.  Give it AT LEAST 2 weeks before you start the “So happy to be single” posts or the online flirting.  I mean, come on, all that does is make us feel as if the entire relationship meant nothing to you and you aren’t affected by it.  

4.       Choose your words carefully.  Write down all your feelings, rather than just say them  in the heat of the moment.  The person you just dumped is especially vulnerable so anything you say the wrong way will be brutal and devastating. 

5.       Let them say whatever they want.  If your ex wants to scream how evil you are to your face, that’s fine… just know that this is a normal reaction to being dumped and you need to just stand there and take it.  Now, don’t stand there and take any physical abuse but just know that it’s normal to be called a plethora of bad names!

6.       Before the break up, start distancing yourself.  This makes it less hard to adjust for the person who is left behind.  Say that for a few weeks you are thinking of ending the relationship, start to hang out with your friends more, separating your life from your boyfriend/girlfriends, etc.  We can take hints and our instinct goes off that tells us something might be off.  Smart people will adapt to that and start distancing themselves as well.  

7.       Do not divulge all the intimate details of the breakup to anyone right away.  Maybe a close guy friend but definitely not a close girlfriend (if you are a guy).   Let it all sink in with your ex for about a day or two before you begin talking about it.  

8.       Don’t take pictures down or anything yet, just let them be the one to do it because it’s very therapeutic.  While it helps you to not be reminded of the guilt you may feel for the being the one to initiate the breakup, you already got the relief of doing it.  Now let them get relief from removing reminders of you from their home, Facebook, etc.

9.       Don’t try to be friendly with their friends.  Their friends are their support group.  Don’t steal them from us!! Just let us talk to them and break the news.  You have your own friends that you had BEFORE the relationship so stick with them. 

10.   Never say to your ex directly “I’m so much happier now”.  It’s just THE WORST.  So don’t!!