He Cheated Once Before, Now I'm Paranoid

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Hi Ellen!
I need some advice. I am so happy in the relationship I am in now. We have been together for 1 ½ years.  My boyfriend recently told me that he cheated on one of his girlfriends.  It only happened once, and he’s had several girlfriends in his past. It was over 8 years ago.  I figure that people grow and mature over time so I do not want to end our relationship.  8 years ago he was basically a teenager. But yet suddenly, I’m paranoid and wondering if he will cheat on me?  My last boyfriend cheated on 3 of his exes and cheated on me also. I found out about his track record after we broke up, but still!!! How can I ease my mind? Thanks!

Dear Anonymous:
It is one thing if it’s several exes that he’s cheated on but if it’s just one, I think you should try to look at it as a one time thing. Everyone makes mistakes. He made one as well.  It’s natural to start worrying after learning something like that but also, take a look at your relationship.  Are there any red flags? Does he blow you off a lot? Does he make you feel neglected? If that answer’s no, then you have nothing to worry about! If that answer’s yes, then maybe you should have a talk with him and tell him that you need to make sure you can trust him and you just want to know the reason he cheated before.  Be careful though because some guys do not like talking about stuff like that, especially from the past.   The most important point is if you trust him or not.  Do you? It seems like you do! Thanks for your question!

Good luck!


  1. Cheating .... So touchy & my o my it hurts so bad.... Other than the fact that he cheated on ex, is there any other reason u r wondering ? I ask because typically when a partner is cheating deep down you Always KNOW, whether it be fro
    His behaviors or words, you always know.

    Is he a trustworthy person in his everyday life ? Does he do what he says and say what he does or do you often catch him in lies?

    The only person that can answer this is you ... Unless you are willing to ask him.

  2. I say that it's possible he really did LEARN from his mistake. Anyone can make a mistake once. I actually don't think it's true that "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I say trust him until you have a real reason not to. If he does cheat on you kick him to the curb and don't look back.


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