Why I Think Periods are Truly Horrific

Monday, October 24, 2016

Okay, fair warning - if you are a guy, you may want to skip reading the post.  I'm sure the last thing you want to hear about is our "time of the month."  But ladies, let's talk about this for a second.  Just think about it... think about how horrific periods truly are.   It's like... what did we ever do to deserve such an obnoxious, hellish week not once in a while but EVERY MONTH! 

So today I'm letting it all out in a rant... I'm just gonna call out a period for what it really is...horrific!    That's right, I said it! I mean let's just look at all the hellish aspects of a period.

First of all, as if the fact that you have to bleed isn't bad enough you have these horrifying things called MENSTRUAL CRAMPS! And of course they aren't just like regular cramps, no they feel like Satan is dancing around inside your body kicking and twisting your ovaries.  By the way, don't google image menstrual cramps because the picture explanation of what they are makes it hurt even more!

Bye-bye diet.  Hello chocolate, carbs, sugars, fats, and everything else I can dream up while I'm trying to concentrate at work.  I mean I've been so starved for chocolate that I've even raided my own cupboards only to end up feasting on chocolate chips...yea, the ones that come in the bag for BAKING.   Am I stoned? No, just bleeding.  Don't mind the appetite!

We always catch hell for being moody and irritable during and before our periods.  I mean you can go from laughing at a movie to bawling all in a matter of seconds.  So what... I wanna punch people in their faces for even coughing too loud....leave me alone! If you were dripping like a faucet you'd be a bitch too!

[Gas & Bloating]
As if bleeding wasn't bad enough, say hello to gas and bloating.  No I'm not pregnant, that's just my swollen belly, now go away.   And the gas.  I mean hello.... haven't you heard the term "period farts" before? Yea, it's barbaric and it's truly disgusting.  What the hell is going on down there?!?!?

At it's core, a period is basically when you bleed.  And no they don't mind a drip here or there.  It can be like a frickin' faucet.  Good God. 

I always LOL at the two options for periods.   You can either wear an enormous pad that reminds you of a diaper, or you can shove a plug up there.  Because the first thing we want to deal with is poking and prodding around down there to stop the damn leak.  Oh and don't lose that string!  Unless you wanna set yourself into a psychopathic panic for .2 seconds when you think OMG WHERE IS IT??!?!?!?

[Tampon Struggles]
Okay, it's not just that simple though.  You can't just plug it and go about your day.   Because then you have to deal with things like sneezing and coughing where for a split second you think "OMG did it move?".  And of course you have to pee but there's times when you don't feel like you fully emptied your bladder because you have something poking you down there that's kind of getting in the way.   Oh and it's just a joy to pee on your tampon string.  YUP.    Also, have fun pooping.   I mean is it even possible to poop with a tampon in?   UGH!

[Timing Sucks]
No sooner do you get through period week, does it come back around!  3 weeks is not ample time.  Besides, the week before your period can sometimes be full of bitchiness and bloating.  So essentially you have just 2 weeks.  Come on, can't it just come like once a year?!

So yea... I'm sure I missed a few hellish aspects but feel free to chime in below with whatever it is YOU hate most about periods.

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  1. Oh hun!
    You forgot the period poops! I mean come on how is that normal in any way shape or form?
    Sara T

  2. Replies
    1. I know it's so funny until you're actually suffering with these then you're just pissed off haha!

  3. Cramps are the worst.


  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. This totally made my night. You couldn't of said it any better about the BITCHINESS part that cracked me up so bad. Thanks for the great laugh!


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