There's something that needs to be addressed in everyone's life.  It's more of an ongoing thing beacuse it's always out there but the way we let it affect ourselves and our lives is crucial.   I'm talking about negativity. 

Negativity is an icky negative energy that comes out in a person's attitude, actions, words, or thoughts.  You may not think this post applies to you and maybe it doesn't...but maybe it does!   It's important to be self aware of how we come off to other people.  If you have a negative energy and you vent about something to someone, that negative energy can be absorbed by them (unless they are great at not letting it affect them).  

 There are many ways to be negative:

[ ] How you let things affect you - When you get cut off on traffic do you get over it in a minute or do you stew about it for an hour, and then tell your coworkers about how pissed off it made you?

[ ] How you talk to those around you - Are you constantly complaining or pointing out negative things?

[ ] How you respond to things around you - If someone is having a bad day, do you let it bother you personally? 

Negativity affects us on many levels - physically, mentally, and emotionally- and it shows it's ugly face in several ways:

[ ] Physically - people that hold on to negativity tend to have a cold look on their face, tend to get more wrinkles, and tend to be more tense.  They also can have an unhealthy weight or physical ailments because "everything just seems to go wrong" for them.

[ ] Emotionally - When a person is overcome with negative energy it's all they can do .  Think negative, speak negative, and feel negative. 

[ ] Mentally - When the brain is used to negative thoughts it becomes easier to think negatively instead of positively. 

So what can you do?  Well...

[ ] Don't let other people's "stuff" get you so worked up.  Who cares if you have a coworker that dresses funny.  Is it personally ruining your day? Well, it shouldn't be. 

[ ] Don't complain about every little thing in your life.  If you forgot to run an errand, gained a pound, or didn't sleep well you don't need to rehash it with a friend or coworker.  All it does is make them annoyed and it's kind of foolish. You never know what someone else is dealing with so ask yourself if your complaint is even worth saying out loud.  If it's not, let it go!

[ ] Take action. If you really can't stand something, fix it.  Address the issue with the person that bothers you, change your habits so you are on time instead of constantly late and in a rush.

 

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5 Ways to Deal With A Negative Coworker

Whether it's a a coworker you're friends with or someone in your personal life, negative people can be a real drain on our mood.  You can start the day off great yourself with a positive attitude, but the second they approach you and start complaining, it starts to pull you down as well.

It's important to know how to handle this person while keeping your own positive attitude going.  One thing you have to remember is you can't change someone else, but you can change how you react.  These tips should help.




[1] Laugh It Off
When they start complaining about what so-and-so is wearing, we tend to want to agree to appease them.  But instead of saying "Yea, that looks horrible" and putting that negative energy out there, just giggle and shrug or shake your head.  If your coworker still insists you react by saying "Don't you think it looks weird?", just reply with something carefree like "Yeppers, she's got her own sense of style that's for sure."  This way you aren't necessarily saying something negative, you are just making a neutral observation.

[2] Lightly Correct Them
We all have that person that has to make comments like "Ugh, everyone in here annoys me."  How can you respond so that your energy and mindset stays positive and they can't really come back at you with more negaivity?  Reply with something like "Hey now, it could always be worse.   I'm trying to keep a more positive attitude lately."  

[3] Don't Engage Them First
If you keep exposing yourself to this person willingly then you are kind of asking for their negativity.  Instead of starting conversations, just keep to yourself and let them approach you.  That way you aren't choosing to initiate a conversation that may turn into a bitchfest.

[4] Call Them Out
Sometimes you need to straight up call people out.  The next time they complain about how much they hate their job or their boss just say "Your attitude about all this seems to really be taking a toll on you, you should really try to be a little bit more positive just for your own sake."  It's not like you're insulting them, you are simply making an observation and a suggesstion.

[5] Drive Them Nuts With Positivity
So your cubemate comes up and immediately has to bash another coworker's new hairstyle.  Saying something like "I like it, plus Susan's always so helpful to me."  This will likely cancel out their negativity and they may even look stunned like they don't know what hit them.

Have you ever had an experience with a negative coworker?

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5 Ways Negativity Pushes People Away

 

Whether it’s a relationship or a friendship, the people close to you are greatly affected by your negativity.   “But I’m not negative”!    Maybe you aren’t  and if that’s the case then good job and thank you for being what the world needs more of! But maybe you don’t realize you ARE negative, for example:

 

Responding with a “downer” response when asked how you are doing i.e. “I’ve been better” or “I’m alright… I guess”.

or

Complaining about common aches and pains ALL THE TIME.  These are things that other people have as well like sore muscles, a minor headache, or being tired.

 
Those are just a couple of minor ways that people spread negativity.

 Imagine negativity as an arrow, and you are the bow.   The people you come across on a daily basis are moving targets.   And the people that are intimately involved in your life through a relationship or close friendship are moving targets at close range. 

 Now, what happens when you shoot an arrow at a moving target?  They try to get away because it hurts.   If being hit by an arrow is unpleasant, why would they willingly continue to subject themselves to that pain?  Perhaps that’s a great explanation for why people distance themselves from you. 

When you come across these targets at any given moment, you have the choice to shoot a negative OR a positive arrow at them.  

While some people say that being nice to others in order to make them feel good isn’t a good enough reason, it actually benefits YOU because you won’t cause people to avoid you.   Your relationships will thrive and your friendships will too.  People will WANT to be around you and include you in on things. 

 

In case you STILL aren’t convinced as to why you should stop shooting negative arrows from your bow, here are 5 ways that negativity pushes people away from you.

 

1. Being negative drags other people down.

When someone asks you how you are doing and you respond with a negative answer or even a so-so answer (Alright, Okay, I’m alive), they immediately feel deflated.  It’s a natural response to a negative energy wave.  Even if it only lasts a few seconds, it’s still an unpleasant feeling so in order to prevent it, the person will start avoiding even small conversations with you. 

How to Reverse This:

Bring people up by responding with a positive answer (Great, Good, Just Fine)! If you don’t see why you should respond that way well here is one good reason that you are doing great… You’re Alive!
  

2.It makes others feel guilty.

If you complain about your trivial everyday issues to someone ALL THE TIME, it can make them feel guilty that they are having such a great day or that they are being more positive.  And no one wants to feel guilty, so to avoid feeling that way, they’ll avoid you.  Why should they have to squash their joy just because you are such a downer?  
 

How to Reverse This:

See above!

3. It can add stress to their life.

Trust me, as someone who gives advice on a regular basis, I know that there is a fine line between letting someone vent and letting someone drag me down with negativity.  I have taught myself how to let things go so that when I give people advice I just address the issue but I don’t let it weigh down on me.   However in my real life and personal life, I can attest to the fact that I am more stressed when I am surrounded by negativity.  If you love those around you, stop stressing them out.  

 How to Reverse This:

Think before you speak.  Is it really necessary to complain about something?   Will the negative thought in your head matter in 2 years or even in a week? Then relax and just let it go.  Tell yourself it’s no big deal and that it’s not worth stressing your loved ones out by complaining about something so minute.

 4. It makes people feel helpless.

When you complain about issues that you (or they) have no control over, on a repeated basis, it makes the people close to you feel helpless.  No one likes to feel helpless especially after they try numerous times to tell you to be positive, cheer up, or how to fix your issues.   So in an effort to feel better they’ll distance themselves from you. 

 How to Reverse This:

If it can’t be remedied (You don’t like the new person they hired) because you have no direct control over the situation, try to reword how you want to complain.  Instead of saying that you can’t stand the new girl and she makes you angry (This makes the person you’re talking to instinctively wonder how they can help you feel better), simply make a comment that you noticed they hired a new girl and you’re interested to see how it pans out.  There’s no HELP ME undertone to a comment like that.

 5. It takes an emotional toll on them.

It’s emotionally draining to be around negativity.  Have you ever turned off the news because after 10 depressing headline stories, you just couldn’t take it anymore?   That’s EXACTLY how it feels to be around a negative person or a downer.  Sometimes, it can even take a physical and mental toll on people when they are so upset or brought down that they weaken their immune system or their mental state of mind. 

This is EXTREMELY common in relationships… one partner has to soak up the others negativity and it brings them down to a point where they have to get away from the other person in order to make themselves happy. 

 

How to Reverse This:

First ask yourself if YOU would want to be in a relationship with yourself?  Are you grumpy and miserable or a pessimist in even the best situations?   Well, stop.. because if you don’t want to be around yourself, no one else does.   Refer to all of the above to stop!

 

Okay so now you’re probably asking how you are supposed to deal with your bad days, complaints, and everyday issues.  Well, you can use the 48 hour rule – where if it’s something you have control over  and can change in 48 hours you NEED to take action or else you can’t bitch about it.  Or you can limit yourself to one or two times a week where you can vent your frustrations out to someone.  Don’t make it a habit of doing it every day even if it’s just a negative response when asked how you are doing, because it will certainly bring those people down.

 And before you ask “Then who can I vent to or who do I talk to about my problems?” I’ll tell you either see a therapist, OR ask yourself if your problems are even real problems or if you are just pessimistically creating them out of regular situations.