Have you ever been at a family gathering with your significant other, or even a large dinner party and there's a couple that is openly bickering at each other?  Remember that awkward cringe you feel inside like you're embarassed FOR them? 

There are certain things in a relationship that shouldn't be shown publicly whether it's around family, friends, or coworkers.  So here are 5 cringe-worthy DON'Ts in a relationship.   

1.Don't Argue Against Every Little Thing He Says.

You know what I'm talking about... you can't even let him get away with saying the sky is blue because you think it's aqua.  Or you argue on the details of a story he's telling...like what day of the week it was.   Who cares?!   All you do is make yourself look crazy, controlling, and bitchy.  It's a sure-fire way to get all his friends to start talking bad about you once you're not around!

STOP!!!!

Bite your tongue...learn self control...and ask yourself why you are so angry and on edge that you must constantly pick at every word coming out of his mouth. 

Maybe you just need a chill pill or maybe you actually have a really crappy attitude and need to start working on being more positive.  Because remember, no one wants to be around you when you are negative. 

 

2. Don't Complain About Him To Others In Front of Him.

Not only is it immature and catty but it's the incorrect way to handle any issues in your relationship.   Relationship issues should be handled privately, not in front of a group of people.
 

STOP!!!!

Plus it's a big no no especially if you are around his family!Instead, make a note to yourself to discuss it at home.

3.Don't Eye Roll or Give Dirty Looks.

Trust me, everyone notices and then they will start watching to see what drama is going on. It's embarassing to your partner and it makes you look immature, bitchy, and rude.

STOP!!!!

Keep your cool, and don't make a negative expression.  The best way to mature as a person is to learn to control your emotions in certain situations!

 

4.Don't Fight in Front of People.

Not only is a public relationship fight embarassing for you but everyone around you is completely dumbfounded and doesn't know how to react or whether they should intervene. 
 

STOP!!!!
It's a huge sign of an unhealthy relationship and it's a red flag for you as a person. No one will be on your side when they see you screaming at your man in front of everyone just because he didn't text you back on time last night. 

 

5.Don't Show Jealousy in Public.
This will be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to master in life but I'm telling you if you can learn to control your emotions with jealousy, you will grow very much as a person. 

 

STOP!!!!

Why It’s Okay to Talk to Several People at a Time

First of all, let me clear up what the title of this blog post means.  I am not teling you to start dating multiple people at a time, or sleeping with more than one person at a time.  I am simply saying that when it comes to this generations favorite way of communication – Texting/calling/Facebooking – it’s okay to casually “talk to” multiple guys.   

photo by Ella (green is beautiful?)	via PhotoRee

Obviously, this is my opinion but all too often I’ve noticed friends of mine talking to a guy, and they become so focused on him that they make excuses for everything he does, because in their mind, how are they supposed to know that there are better things out there or that it’s possible for people to treat them better? 

Scenario 1: Say the first guy greets you every morning with a Good Morning text…. Seems like he may be genuinely interested in you……the second guy barely makes an attempt to chat with you at all and you have to be the one to initiate the convos.
Benefit – This should make you come to the realization that: If person one enjoys talking to you so much that he willingly contacts you on a regular basis, what is person two’s excuse?  Granted, not every situation will hold true to this, but sometimes when you have a selection of 5 people you regularly talk to, it’s easy to see who the slackers are.

 Scenario 2:The first guy can hold conversations with you about interesting things or current events and he actually asks you how you are doing or how your day was, and then when you respond, he keeps the conversation going.  The second guy does simple small talk but doesn’t seem concerned about your bad day at work, and only holds a conversation when he can make flirty/sexual references to you.
Benefit – You deserve a guy that is respectful to you and genuinely interested in you, not one that is flaky, and only wants to talk dirty to you.  

Scenario 3:The first guy ends up asking you if you want to get together for dinner sometime while the second guy never even brings up hanging out and you have to initiate the idea of it. 
 Benefit – You ARE good enough to warrant someone asking you to hangout so why aren’t they?


These are just a few reasons, and I hope you get what I mean !:) 

3 Reasons Why You Should NOT Share Your "Number" with Your Partner

photo by DerrickT	via PhotoRee

"How many people have you slept with before me?"

Even the strongest relationships can develop crippling problems from sharing this intimate detail.  Maybe this is just my opinion (but after all, it is MY blog isn't it) but here are my top reasons why you shouldn't share that information.  


1.  It's No One Else's Business
Really, it's not.  It's something you did and it's your business.   The only other person that you should really tell would be your doctor but they obviously wouldn't repeat it, by law!

2.  It Can Cause Jealous/Unsettling Thoughts
Maybe it's because you can't change it, but once you know that number, it will torture you.   Especially if it's higher than your own.  You'll wonder who the people were, and how good they were.  And let's be honest, NO ONE likes to envision their partner with anyone else, but that's the only image that can really come from sharing this detail now isn't it.  

3.  It Shouldn't Matter 
It's literally just a number.  It's not a list of people that are better than you.  It's something from the past, and there's no way you can change it. As long as you and your partner are clean and in a committed relationship, the past and the number of partners you each have had, shouldn't matter and should never be shared.

So basically, the best answer when asked that question is "I'm sorry, that's something I don't feel comfortable sharing with anyone else, regardless of what my number is."  And if they keep pushing then remember "It shouldn't matter."  

How to Break Up the RIGHT Way - A MUST READ!

We have all had it, at least once, I know I have.  The guy you are with totally handles the break up in the wrong manner.  No respect or decency to you, and he has no experience with this in the past so how can you blame him I guess.

photo by Ivars Krutainis	via PhotoRee

Well, I put together this little guide to breaking up that can go for both men and women.  But I’m directing it more at men! LOL

1.       Do it in person.   A text message or email or even Facebook message is just so distant that it stings even more than saying it in person does.  When you break things off in person, it gives the other party a chance to express their emotions to you and let you see how they feel.  If they can’t get that off their chest, how are they ever supposed to come to terms with the break up? 

2.       Don’t avoid them.  Yes, sometimes out of sight out of mind is okay, but often times your ex will try to get ahold of you to talk a bit more and just get some closure.  Maybe they have questions and need answers, regardless, you OWE it to them to listen and to not take the easy way out by just ignoring them and moving on with your life.

3.       Don’t flaunt a new flame, hot girl friend, or single life status in their face.  Give it AT LEAST 2 weeks before you start the “So happy to be single” posts or the online flirting.  I mean, come on, all that does is make us feel as if the entire relationship meant nothing to you and you aren’t affected by it.  

4.       Choose your words carefully.  Write down all your feelings, rather than just say them  in the heat of the moment.  The person you just dumped is especially vulnerable so anything you say the wrong way will be brutal and devastating. 

5.       Let them say whatever they want.  If your ex wants to scream how evil you are to your face, that’s fine… just know that this is a normal reaction to being dumped and you need to just stand there and take it.  Now, don’t stand there and take any physical abuse but just know that it’s normal to be called a plethora of bad names!

6.       Before the break up, start distancing yourself.  This makes it less hard to adjust for the person who is left behind.  Say that for a few weeks you are thinking of ending the relationship, start to hang out with your friends more, separating your life from your boyfriend/girlfriends, etc.  We can take hints and our instinct goes off that tells us something might be off.  Smart people will adapt to that and start distancing themselves as well.  

7.       Do not divulge all the intimate details of the breakup to anyone right away.  Maybe a close guy friend but definitely not a close girlfriend (if you are a guy).   Let it all sink in with your ex for about a day or two before you begin talking about it.  

8.       Don’t take pictures down or anything yet, just let them be the one to do it because it’s very therapeutic.  While it helps you to not be reminded of the guilt you may feel for the being the one to initiate the breakup, you already got the relief of doing it.  Now let them get relief from removing reminders of you from their home, Facebook, etc.

9.       Don’t try to be friendly with their friends.  Their friends are their support group.  Don’t steal them from us!! Just let us talk to them and break the news.  You have your own friends that you had BEFORE the relationship so stick with them. 

10.   Never say to your ex directly “I’m so much happier now”.  It’s just THE WORST.  So don’t!!

Do Opposites REALLY Attract?

Relationships – Do opposites really attract?
The answer in my opinion is yes when it comes to morals and no when it comes to certain personality and interest matters. A couple is more likely to get along when they share the same moral beliefs like:
compassion for animals, marriage beliefs, living together before marriage, whether flirting in a relationship is okay or not, work ethic, working hard and planning vs taking each day as it comes, financial habits (spend spend spend , save while spending), and religious beliefs.

photo by Robert Scales	via PhotoRee

But when a couple is too much the same with things like passions, it could cause conflict, just like sibling rivalry.  Conflict may arise because you both are passionate over a hobby and you become competitive.  Also, sometimes there’s no room to negotiate because neither of you want to give up your passion or hobby.

 What do you think?

Love & Lust: What's the Difference?

photo by Robert Scales	via PhotoRee

Love & Lust: What's the difference

  You have heard the sayings before. "Is it love or is it lust?" "Lust can turn into Love".  and all of those!

Well,  what is the difference?  Is there a difference? And are their similarities that make it so difficult to determine whether a feeling or emotion is based on love, or just lust.

Lust

Lust is the initial attraction like the butterflies you feel, the concern that goes into your outfit for when you see someone, and the constant distraction in your mind of what they are doing and where they are.  

Love

Love is deeper and it's what comes after lust.  You either t to it or you don't.  Love is the security you feel with the person that they always have your back and you can always come to them for comfort.  Love is the trust you feel, that you know they won't do anything to intentionally hurt you and that you can tell them anything without them repeating it.  Love is the communication that you have when you work out your problems and Love is what eventually fills a house and makes it a home. 

How they relate

Lust is how we can see if we are attracted to someone.  Whether it's their looks , their smell (pheromones), their personality, or some mutual things you have in common, lust is what we all feel in the beginning.  You want nothing more than to be with that person and think of them all the time.  You get nervous when you don't hear from them and you would drop your things and go to them if they said they wanted to see you.  Lust can be foolish at times and not in your best interest.  Some people can control their lust but some people don't and they easily lust over a person that they later regret.  These feelings bring us together so we can see the rest of what the relationship can hold, and develop stronger feelings of love. 

How we mistake Lust for love

Sometimes we think that someone is all of those things - security trustworthy, and offers a good window for communication with us.  But that's because we are so caught up in our feelings that we assume they are all those things and our impulses take over.  Then one day, the person you lust for just changes their mind, and all of a sudden you lose all those things and see it clearly that this person really wasn't good for you in the long run.   And  when you are in a relationship for a secured amount of time and the initial feelings of lust wear off, we tend to assume that this means we are falling out of love.  You might not be as romantic as before or as sexually active, but that doesn't mean that you aren't in love.  It means that you are so secure with your relationship that you don't rely on those other things to make you feel loved.  Now, don't get me wrong, Sex and romance are still needed from time to time but it's almost unrealistic to be 24/7 in lust while you are in love. 

Once you are in love, you aren't foolish enough to blow off work on a super busy day, just because you want to canoodle with your lover.  And you tend to spend a healthy amount of time with your friends too rather than only with your significant other.  As long as you find a good balance of lust components within your loving relationship, I think it’s safe to say that you CAN combine the two and live happily.

I think you really have to experience both at some point in your life to truly know the difference.  I don't necessarily think love and lust are different I just think that Love is a higher, more matured and developed form of lust. Just like dating, engagement, and marriage. 

How to Split Thanksgiving Day Plans in a Relationship

How to Split Thanksgiving Day Plans in a Relationship

This is a typical scenario, so before you panic, realize you are not alone.  Your boyfriend’s family is very close and they ALWAYS get together on Thanksgiving, and you have never missed a Thanksgiving with your family either, so now, how will you come to an agreement on how to split up the holidays.  When skipping out on one family is NOT an option here are several others.

photo by The Library of Congress	via PhotoRee

Do your own separate thing

In cases where there is a lot of distance (miles) between you and your family or your boyfriend and his family, you may not be able to come to an agreement.  Sometimes the only way to slit them up is to literally split them up.  You go to your family’s house for the day and he goes to his family’s house and you make sure to send a long a simply gift (candle, autumn bouquet, etc.) with a note and a message that you are sorry you can’t make it.

Have your meals at different times

Since you still have a couple weeks, now is the time to contact your family (his side and yours) and ask what time they wanted to eat.  See if there’s a way to have a brunch with one side and a dinner with the other.  Since Thanksgiving is only one day that’s usually the easiest option.  Christmas  has an Eve and a Day so there are a bit more options but I’ll cover that in December.

Bring the Holiday to your Home

In a case where both sides of the family are not in the immediate area,  it may be best to take one for the team and invite both to your home so that THEY travel and you prepare the food and everybody wins. 


Now… what are YOUR solutions to this? Has this ever happened to you? What did you decide on? 

My Article about Relationship Contracts (think 50 Shades) is Up!!!!

Remember how I told you about my Twitter party with The Indie Chicks where we talked about getting stuff done!?

Well, I submitted an article to them for their online magazine about how a Relationship Contract (like the contract they have in 50 Shades of Grey) can be beneficial to a relationship. Please check it out!
Here is my article!

Check it out and leave a comment!!!

On/Off Relationships

Either you know someone who has been in one, or you are in one yourself.  On/Off Relationships are those relationships that seem to be up and down every other day.  You break up, get back together, break up, and then get back together.  But why do people do this?  Can we really not make up or minds?  Or do we just like the excitement?

When they can be okay...
Sometimes, two people are really serious about each other but they have some issues.  They take time apart in order to work on those issues, and then eventually get back together.  Sure, some people can work on things without breaking up, but a lot of people NEED  to have something missing from their life, in order for them to work at getting it back. 

When they aren't okay...
When your friends start telling you that they no longer want to hear about it, or when they know that you will be back with So and So in a matter of days, you know your behavior is getting out of control..make up your mind.  Stay with him and work through everything, or hti the road and move on.

A lot of times people are too used to something and can't imagine life without it.  So it's hard to make that final decision where you permanently walk away from someone.  If that sounds like you then just try and make your final decision and stick to it.  Don't get in the habit of forming on/off relationships because honestly, it's a hard habit to break, and you'll end up doing it again and again even if it's with a different partner!

How can you prevent your relationship from being like this?
In the beginning, discuss it and make an agreement with your partner that you will always work through stuff, and if you can't you can go your separate ways, but it won't be acceptable to throw around the terms "It's over" and "We're back on" like they aren't anything.

Do you know someone in an on/off relationship?  How do you deal with it?

And remember, if you have any relationship advice that you are in need of feel free to fill out this form!  You can remain anonymous and be as vague or specific as you want!