Whether it’s a relationship or a friendship, the people close to you are greatly affected by your negativity. “But I’m not negative”! Maybe you aren’t and if that’s the case then good job and thank you for being what the world needs more of! But maybe you don’t realize you ARE negative, for example:
Responding with a “downer” response when asked how you are doing i.e. “I’ve been better” or “I’m alright… I guess”.
Complaining about common aches and pains ALL THE TIME. These are things that other people have as well like sore muscles, a minor headache, or being tired.
Those are just a couple of minor ways that people spread negativity.
Imagine negativity as an arrow, and you are the bow. The people you come across on a daily basis are moving targets. And the people that are intimately involved in your life through a relationship or close friendship are moving targets at close range.
Now, what happens when you shoot an arrow at a moving target? They try to get away because it hurts. If being hit by an arrow is unpleasant, why would they willingly continue to subject themselves to that pain? Perhaps that’s a great explanation for why people distance themselves from you.
When you come across these targets at any given moment, you have the choice to shoot a negative OR a positive arrow at them.
While some people say that being nice to others in order to make them feel good isn’t a good enough reason, it actually benefits YOU because you won’t cause people to avoid you. Your relationships will thrive and your friendships will too. People will WANT to be around you and include you in on things.
In case you STILL aren’t convinced as to why you should stop shooting negative arrows from your bow, here are 5 ways that negativity pushes people away from you.
1. Being negative drags other people down.When someone asks you how you are doing and you respond with a negative answer or even a so-so answer (Alright, Okay, I’m alive), they immediately feel deflated. It’s a natural response to a negative energy wave. Even if it only lasts a few seconds, it’s still an unpleasant feeling so in order to prevent it, the person will start avoiding even small conversations with you.
How to Reverse This:Bring people up by responding with a positive answer (Great, Good, Just Fine)! If you don’t see why you should respond that way well here is one good reason that you are doing great… You’re Alive!
2.It makes others feel guilty.If you complain about your trivial everyday issues to someone ALL THE TIME, it can make them feel guilty that they are having such a great day or that they are being more positive. And no one wants to feel guilty, so to avoid feeling that way, they’ll avoid you. Why should they have to squash their joy just because you are such a downer?
How to Reverse This:See above!
3. It can add stress to their life.Trust me, as someone who gives advice on a regular basis, I know that there is a fine line between letting someone vent and letting someone drag me down with negativity. I have taught myself how to let things go so that when I give people advice I just address the issue but I don’t let it weigh down on me. However in my real life and personal life, I can attest to the fact that I am more stressed when I am surrounded by negativity. If you love those around you, stop stressing them out.
How to Reverse This:
4. It makes people feel helpless.
How to Reverse This:
5. It takes an emotional toll on them.
This is EXTREMELY common in relationships… one partner has to soak up the others negativity and it brings them down to a point where they have to get away from the other person in order to make themselves happy.
How to Reverse This:
First ask yourself if YOU would want to be in a relationship with yourself? Are you grumpy and miserable or a pessimist in even the best situations? Well, stop.. because if you don’t want to be around yourself, no one else does. Refer to all of the above to stop!
Okay so now you’re probably asking how you are supposed to deal with your bad days, complaints, and everyday issues. Well, you can use the 48 hour rule – where if it’s something you have control over and can change in 48 hours you NEED to take action or else you can’t bitch about it. Or you can limit yourself to one or two times a week where you can vent your frustrations out to someone. Don’t make it a habit of doing it every day even if it’s just a negative response when asked how you are doing, because it will certainly bring those people down.
And before you ask “Then who can I vent to or who do I talk to about my problems?” I’ll tell you either see a therapist, OR ask yourself if your problems are even real problems or if you are just pessimistically creating them out of regular situations.