How to Break Up the RIGHT Way - A MUST READ!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

We have all had it, at least once, I know I have.  The guy you are with totally handles the break up in the wrong manner.  No respect or decency to you, and he has no experience with this in the past so how can you blame him I guess.

photo by Ivars Krutainisvia PhotoRee

Well, I put together this little guide to breaking up that can go for both men and women.  But I’m directing it more at men! LOL

1.       Do it in person.   A text message or email or even Facebook message is just so distant that it stings even more than saying it in person does.  When you break things off in person, it gives the other party a chance to express their emotions to you and let you see how they feel.  If they can’t get that off their chest, how are they ever supposed to come to terms with the break up? 

2.       Don’t avoid them.  Yes, sometimes out of sight out of mind is okay, but often times your ex will try to get ahold of you to talk a bit more and just get some closure.  Maybe they have questions and need answers, regardless, you OWE it to them to listen and to not take the easy way out by just ignoring them and moving on with your life.

3.       Don’t flaunt a new flame, hot girl friend, or single life status in their face.  Give it AT LEAST 2 weeks before you start the “So happy to be single” posts or the online flirting.  I mean, come on, all that does is make us feel as if the entire relationship meant nothing to you and you aren’t affected by it.  

4.       Choose your words carefully.  Write down all your feelings, rather than just say them  in the heat of the moment.  The person you just dumped is especially vulnerable so anything you say the wrong way will be brutal and devastating. 

5.       Let them say whatever they want.  If your ex wants to scream how evil you are to your face, that’s fine… just know that this is a normal reaction to being dumped and you need to just stand there and take it.  Now, don’t stand there and take any physical abuse but just know that it’s normal to be called a plethora of bad names!

6.       Before the break up, start distancing yourself.  This makes it less hard to adjust for the person who is left behind.  Say that for a few weeks you are thinking of ending the relationship, start to hang out with your friends more, separating your life from your boyfriend/girlfriends, etc.  We can take hints and our instinct goes off that tells us something might be off.  Smart people will adapt to that and start distancing themselves as well.  

7.       Do not divulge all the intimate details of the breakup to anyone right away.  Maybe a close guy friend but definitely not a close girlfriend (if you are a guy).   Let it all sink in with your ex for about a day or two before you begin talking about it.  

8.       Don’t take pictures down or anything yet, just let them be the one to do it because it’s very therapeutic.  While it helps you to not be reminded of the guilt you may feel for the being the one to initiate the breakup, you already got the relief of doing it.  Now let them get relief from removing reminders of you from their home, Facebook, etc.

9.       Don’t try to be friendly with their friends.  Their friends are their support group.  Don’t steal them from us!! Just let us talk to them and break the news.  You have your own friends that you had BEFORE the relationship so stick with them. 

10.   Never say to your ex directly “I’m so much happier now”.  It’s just THE WORST.  So don’t!!

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