Ask Away Blog: That Time Someone Asked Me If I Was Pregnant

That Time Someone Asked Me If I Was Pregnant

Monday, December 31, 2018



Yes, you read that correctly and actually I'm wrong.  It's the SECOND time that happened.   First of all, let me preface this story, which I'm sharing today in hopes that someone else who has this shitty experience will realize they're NOT alone, with an explanation. 

My stomach sticks out and I can't help it.  Even at my thinnest, my stomach sticks out more than the rest of my body and my rib cage really juts out which doesn't help either. I also have really narrow hips so I always look like I have an inner tube around my waist. Enter Title Image Above and delete this line.

So anyways, where was I? Oh yea, the two times I nearly died when I was asked if I was pregnant.

The first time it happened was a few years back.  I was in the elevator heading out for the day with my coworker.  We stopped on a floor, and a former male coworker got on.  I was leaning with my head against the elevator wall and maybe my stomach was sticking out a bit (although that's irrelevant). 



He looks at me, rubs his belly, nods his head towards me and says "Hey Ellen....are you?".  I nearly blacked out.  My worst thought about myself and someone else addressed it... my stomach sticks out and makes me look like I'm pregnant.


Of course me being the nice person I am thinks about HIS feelings over mine so I immediately try to make it less embarrassing for him and I laugh and say "No, I just have a gut."  I think he apologized and I cut him off and said "I don't blame ya, because it really looks like it." WTF Ellen!?

I get off the elevator, go to my car in the parking garage and call my mob hysterically sobbing.  Of course all she heard at first was that a man did something to me in the elevator so she panics, until I finally tell her it was something he SAID. 

I threw away the shirt I was wearing when I got home.  It's actually a shirt I wrote in a blog post once to feature as an outfit.  I was so angry and sad.  It took me a good few weeks to stop feeling so angry. I didn't speak about it to many people because I was humiliated.


Then we fast forward to October 2018.  I was volunteering doing pet therapy with Stella and the lady I deal with there was waiting for me at the door.   I go in, and we're chatting and we begin walking down the hallway to visit residents. 

It's like it all happened in slow frickin' motion at this point.  She stutters like she wants to say something and she begins rubbing her stomach.  I keep looking at her asking "what?!" and then she finally says "I'm afraid to say anything." So my idiot self thinks she's about to tell me she's pregnant and is just scared to tell me.  So I excitedly say "Just tell me!" to which she blurts out "Are you pregnant?"

Once again I care about someone else's feelings besides mine even though I feel like someone just took a tire iron and gutted me and then shoved a knife through my heart. So I chuckle and tell her I'm not.  And I can tell she's mortified.  She apologizes and keeps bringing it up and then finally says "It must be a bad shirt."

Yea I guess it is now.  Because I'll never wear that shirt again.  I continue to insist she not worry because it's totally fine and other people have asked.  Then I have to sit there and interact with some elderly folks with Stella for 45 minutes when all I wanted to do was break down and cry.  I couldn't text anyone, I couldn't call anyone, and I couldn't stop replaying what just happened in my head.


Was I mad at her? No, I was actually mad at myself and wondering why I'm so ugly and let myself get like this because if I didn't look like this, I wouldn't confuse people.

So I get home, and I share my story on Facebook. I explain how I've always been this way and my stomach and ribs always stick out, and even when I'm super thin, I have a muffin top.  I explain that I've always ALWAYS been hyper sensitive to it and that when someone says those comments to me it's just devastating. 

SO MANY PEOPLE RELATED TO ME.

There were some with similar body types, some who had just given birth and were asked if they were pregnant because of the leftover weight, and some that were asked if they were pregnant but aren't because they CAN'T conceive.  I was floored.

I can't believe ANYONE thinks it's okay to ask a question like that to anyone.


So let me tell you the rule... unless there is a human infant pushing out of a woman's vagina, YOU DO NOT ASK HER IF SHE'S PREGNANT.  Ask someone else, wonder in your own head, but NEVER UTTER THOSE DAMN WORDS OUT LOUD.

You can destroy someone with those words.  You can kill their self esteem, you can humiliate them, you can remind them of something painful if they struggle with fertility. 

When you ask someone if they're pregnant you're basically saying they have a big stomach. 

The worst part for me is that the rest of my body will be slim but having a bigger belly really does add to the whole "pregnant look" so really, I'm just cursed and can't help it. 

Moms and Dads - please TEACH YOUR CHILDREN that it is NEVER okay to ask a woman if she's pregnant! EVER EVER EVER!!!!

All bellies are beautiful.  Despite the pain I've experienced from other people, I love my body and my belly and I'm not letting anyone steal that from me.

Bellies are beautiful! Love your own!





If you have ever experienced something as crappy as this please share below!  You are not alone!!

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6 comments:

  1. Hi Ellen!
    I was wearing a bathing suit and MY OWN SON asked me if I was pregnant! He was six, but still! I told him I was not, and not to ever, ever ask a woman that question. If she is and she wants you to know, she'll tell you. Otherwise, it's none of your business.
    Everyone is built differently, and that is a wonderful thing.
    Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have learned never to ask a women if she is pregnant. I myself have gotten asked before if I was pregnant. The worse was after I had my daughter someone asked me if I was pregnant.

    http://www.amysfashionblog.com/blog-home

    ReplyDelete
  3. This happens when you are a big healthy ;) No worries
    https://tacotellthebell.com

    ReplyDelete

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