3 Tips to Remaining Friends With An Ex (Yes, It's Possible)

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

It's crazy how there are some people out there that consider every single ex of theirs a sworn enemy.   Sometimes you have good reason, which is fine, but other times you need to look at the facts..plain and simple. 

Sometimes people just aren't meant for each other and they end the relationship.  
"Yea but we argued all the time."
"But we couldn't stand each other."
"He liked to part and I liked to stay home."

EXACTLY! Those are all some signs that you may not be right for each other if you can't settle and adjust to your differences. 

So why is it so necessary to HATE someone that it didn't work out with.

Maybe one of you did some shady things because you weren't happy.. blah blah, in the end you both went your separate ways and you probably learned some things from the experience.  So let's all relax and stop the hating.

Besides, everytime I hear someone refer to a "long ago" ex as "D***head, D**chebag, A**hole, F***head" I assume they must not have been able to get over them easily or maybe still aren't.  Now sometimes it's just a fun nickname and I know that but a lot of times it's not really necessary. 

Furthermore, remember that as much as you want to paint someone else as the bad guy, you clearly thought they were okay at some point, especially if you took the liberty to marry them for several years, so you can't just dismiss them as a POS forever in every single case without understanding that sometimes people change and grow apart!

Before you insist that it's impossible to stay friends, consider this... I'm living proof.   I may not be friends with every single ex, but I'd say 90% I am, and the other 10% I could be polite and civil with if we ran into each other in public.  

So here are the tips I have for you, tried and true, and tips that I have actually used myself and they have worked for me.
Whether you want to get over them so you can eventually be friends without hard feelings, or you just don't want to have enemies; here are 3 tips to remaining friends with an ex.

1. You need a clean break so that hard feelings fizzle out.
Out of sight, out of mind is so so true in this case.  I tell this to every friend of mine that has ever asked for advice for getting over an ex. 

When you end a relationship you need a clean break.... because after a couple of months, hard feelings do fizzle away and a lot of the negative thoughts you have fade a bit.   By clean break I mean:
-No texting, calling, or talking in person

-Stay off of their social media pages by blocking, unfriending, or hiding from your feed

After several months it's easier to be civil with your ex, because everything's not fresh in your mind (the little things that pissed you off) and you gave yourself time to go through all the stages of a breakup. 

2. Don't try to play investigator.
I know, it's fun to creep around to see who "d**kface" is dating now (she's gonna be such a troll right?!) but you HAVE to let it go.  You can't control who they talk to or hang out with and the more you keep asking friends to tell you what they know, the more this person stays in your mind and the more you stay attached to them emotionally.

3.Remember what you have in common.
You obviously had something in common when you started dating, maybe you liked each other's personalities or how one of you could always come to the other for advice.  That can still be the grounds for a future friendship.  

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