Ask Away Blog: Family Issues

Family Issues

Monday, October 4, 2010

Ellen:
My older sister and I have been close friends in the past and then not very close. We email each other on birthdays and stuff like that.  We live 7 hours by car from each other.  I last heard from her in May, when she said her Mother-in-Law had died.  So it has come to my complete surprise that 5 months ago my sister moved within 10 miles of me.  I found out yesterday and was stunned, hurt, and angry.  It was my brother who told me, he was surprised that I didn't know yet too.  Then he said something to her because I received this email last night:

Hi
 I heard from brother that you didn't have a clue we moved.   It was my understanding that you never want to have anything to do with me or my family so I felt there was no reason to inform you.  On 10/11/2009 I replied to a note from you thanking me for the birthday wishes.  It was a very heartfelt message but I never heard from you again so I figured it wasn't very well received.  For the record, our home is at XXXXX I am working as an Assistant Manager at XXXXXX. I hope things are good for you and your family.
                             
My feelings are hurt and my first reaction is to blast off a retaliation but I didn't, I want to do the right thing.  What is your advice? 

A Sad Sister

Sad Sister,

I am really sorry to hear about all of this.  It has to be so hard for you!  I always take a neutral stance with these things so my advice is just that.  I think one of you needs to be the bigger person now.  Even though you might try to come at her with kindness, you should probably apologize too, because an apology always makes things SO much better.  You could try to get a hold of her and just tell her that you want to apologize for all of the tense feelings between the two of you and you would like to move past it now.  Life is too short to waste it in petty arguments.  Family is something you should always hold near and dear because in the end, family will always be there for you.  Ask your sister if it would be possible to “start fresh” and put everything behind you if you both promise never to bring it up again.  And if she wants to clear some things up but still talking about certain issues, do it immediately so you can get past it and move on with the air cleared. 
If you don’t think this would help the situation any, maybe you should seek assistance from another family member by asking them to help sit down and mediate the situation.  Perhaps your brother could do something?  I really hope the 2 options I gave you might be of some help.  Please let me know how things go!

Ellen

3 comments:

  1. Ellen, are you sure you are only 22? That advice was excellent...and so right on. I hope these ladies can get through this. I cannot imagine my life without my sister in it.

    Life is short. We need to keep "short accounts" with one another, which includes taking the high road when we may have offended and saying, "I'm sorry, will you forgive me." At my age I've had to do that many, many times, but it is worth the discomfort to preserve these precious relationships!

    Blessings

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh that explains it! :>)

    You are wise beyond your years, truly.

    Glad you are in the lives you are in! They are blessed!

    ReplyDelete

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