Ask Away Blog: Should we go for it?

Should we go for it?

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Ellen:
I have a question, I have 4 kids- 18, 14 ,11 ,8. My 18 year old daughter is 4 months pregnant and moved her husband and herself back home with us.  Well I'm 38 and my husband and I have been talking about having one last child ourselves when we ask the kids how they felt all was ok with it except my daughter who is pregnant. She said I was too old and I was supposed to be a grandma and spoil her baby . What do you think? Am I too old? Should we just forget what we want?
Thanks,
Vicki
Hi Vicki,
Well if you already spoke with a doctor and they informed you that you are healthy and good to go, then of course you aren’t “too old”.  I think your daughter may just be worried that you won’t be able to help her and focus on the baby as much if you have one of your own.  If you don’t feel that’s true, then you should sit down and chat with her and explain that this is what you want and you would like to do it sooner than later.  Ask her why she feels the way she does and then reassure her about everything.
You know what YOU want and if it will make you happy, I say go right ahead.  You both will have plenty of help from your other kids.  It seems like they are at an appropriate age that they could lend a hand with a few simple tasks around the house. 
If, however, you feel that it would be too much to take on, with the ages of your children right now, size of your house, volume of workload, and complications with your daughter and her husband and soon-to-be grandchild moved back in, maybe you should rethink it.  Perhaps you can get what you are looking for from taking care of your grandchild.  I think after a nice talk with your daughter, you may be able to make the right decision for yourself. Thank you so much for your question and I hope everything works out for you!!
Ellen

2 comments:

  1. Aw Ellen I love this answer. Xxoo u r doing great things

    ReplyDelete
  2. I agree with Ellen and think it may also depend somewhat on why your oldest and her husband and soon-to-be child are back home with you. Are they there because they couldn't afford to live on their own, and if so, how long will they be staying? Can your household withstand two more babies along with the extra mouths to feed and sleepless nights and other inconveniences? If you really want to have another baby and your home cannot support everyone, can they move into their own place? It sounds to me as though she is seeing you having a baby as taking you away from being her baby's caretaker. Help her see it might be fun for the two babies to grow up together. Also, will you hold resentments against her if she makes you choose not having your own child because you will be too busy grandparenting hers? This is a huge decision - good luck with it and I hope you'll let us know what you decided.

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