Lovers and Friends

Friday, October 29, 2010

Ellen: I’m in my mid twenties so it’s pretty normal that most people my age are married, in a serious relationship, or busy in other ways.  I just feel like I lost my best friend lately.  She has been in a relationship for years with this guy that I adore and I think they are perfect for each other.  I think I just get down because I barely see her anymore.  Maybe once a month.  She always says she’s busy with something but I can’t help but get frustrated inside. Then I wonder if I am being selfish or if I am just mad that she is so happy in a relationship and I’m still single or something.  Am I being unreasonable?
Hi Cathy,
No, you definitely aren’t being unreasonable.  You do have to understand that maybe she really is busy and enjoys spending time with her boyfriend just as much as you enjoy spending time with her.  Maybe you should plan a weekly date thing with just you and her.  Movies, drinks, dinner, shopping, etc.  That way you get to see her, and you don’t have to beg her on a daily basis. 


  1. Hi Ellen- That is a great idea setting up a girls night. Her friends boyfriend may also appreciate getting to see his friends.

  2. Totally agree. It's so frustrating when women do this to each other. Girl time is SO important.

  3. Great advice!

    I hope you can get a set time with her.

    I'd also suggest you invite them BOTH over for dinner or to hang out. That way you get to see her and get to know him better. They may be together for a long time, maybe even marry. One day you will be in a long term relationship yourself and they can be your "go to couple."

    For now invite them both out, maybe even with some male friends so that he can be occupied and you can steal her away for a while for some much needed girl talk.

  4. I had a friend that I was friends with for 13 years. The moment she got /engagedmarried, I stopped exsisting to her. Months went by before we spoke again and I was just as worried as you about our friendship. Something just didn't feel right. For 13 years, we were sisters- We talked, laughed, shared fears and stories- yet in one fell swoop, she was gone.

    If I knew then that talking to her about it would have helped, I may have been able to save the friendship. But I didn't, I left it up to her when she would contact me to talk again. And so our minds got mad at each other and we never gave each other a chance to know if we were or were not friends any longer.

    I wish that I had called her and simply said "I notice we haven't been talking a lot lately and I am concerned. I feel as if our friendship is suffering. How do you feel?" Maybe I wouldn't have gotten the answer I wanted but at least I would have known the truth instead of being in the dark all this time about it.


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