Ask Away...: 4 Factors to a Lasting Relationship

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

4 Factors to a Lasting Relationship

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photo by Robert Scalesvia PhotoRee


I recently stumbled upon this article from Psychology Today which discusses a common way to determine if a relationship will last.

Please read it, and then enjoy the breakdown I put together below. I know the article has some big words and confusing terms, but I broke it down for you as much as possible. And remember, these are based on some studies they did, so I truly believe it’s true!

The four factors of predicting if a relationship will last:

Satisfaction

Translation: Is your relationship fulfilling?

Basically, this factor means that the level of positive versus negative in your relationship should be weighing down more on the positive side. And if you don’t think that’s true…. Start making lists of pros and cons of your relationships or past relationships. Trust me… the things that are make it or break it in the Con column, are generally what lead to the end of the relationship eventually.

Ask yourself: Do Positives> Negatives? If so, good!!! Check every now and then if you want to be extra sure…. But it’s a really good sign if there are more pros than cons from the get go!


Investment Size

Translation: How important are the things that come along with the relationship to you?

Basically, what would you miss if the relationship were to end. It could be material things or non-material things. Would you miss the company of your partner? Would you miss his or her family and the relationship you have with them? This doesn’t mean “would you miss the money he gives you?!” it means things that you get specifically from him that fulfill you.

Ask yourself: What all would I miss if this relationship ended?


Quality of alternatives

Translation: May the best man win!

You know how in the animal kingdom, every year the females get to sit back and watch as all the males fight over her and try to impress her with their fancy dance moves, pretty colors, and heroic battle moves? Well, it’s KIND of like that but not every year. Can your needs be met more fully outside of your relationship? Before you say “I would never think of going elsewhere!! I don’t have anyone else!” and get upset that this even came up, realize this…if you are saying that…then yes, you do have other people you could go to, but you are already so fulfilled in your current relationship that there is no need to even evaluate other options. That’s what shows you that you are in a good relationship that makes you happy inside.

Ask yourself: Does this relationship give me everything I need to feel happy and fulfilled in it?


Commitment

Translation: The intent to stay in a relationship long term. Through thick and thin.

Basically, if you are the type of person (or your partner is) that runs from an issue, that’s a red flag. And the good news is that if you are giving up a thumbs up for the first 3 factors, they all help you fall in line for commitment.

Ask yourself? Would I be happy growing old next to this person?


Now, before you think you are golden since the above factors are prominent in your relationship, keep in mind, (and the article mentions this) that communication is a key factor to a healthy relationship. That means that any issues that come up, should be discussed and worked on. And then once you discuss them you should see if you are still in check with the four factors.


And remember… not every relationship I’ll be THE ONE! Just don’t waste too much time in a relationship that is blatantly screaming the signs of one that won’t last. And if your relationship is great.. QUIT LOOKING FOR THINGS TO GO WRONG!!!! It IS possible to have a happy relationship…. Sadly we are surrounded by people that don’t have them because they stayed in the wrong ones.





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